All Jokes

Displaying 10921-10928 of 10942 results.
Aug
28
2011

Excuse Me, Your Fly Is Unzipped


1. "The cucumber has left the salad."

2. "Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out."

3. "Your soldier ain't so unknown now."

4. "Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells."

5. "Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!"

6. "Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

7. "You've got your fly set for Monica instead of Hillary."

8. "You've got a security breach at Los Pantaloons."

9. "I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?"

10. "Men are From Mars, women can see Your Penis."

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
58 Likes
2 Dislikes
Rating :   3 Votes


Dec
9
2011

Hypothetically Speaking


A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference
between hypothetical and reality?"

The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I
feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother
if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500,000."

The boy goes and asks his mother: "Mom, would you have sex with the mailman
for $500,000?" The mother replies: "Hell yes I would!"

The little boy returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father then says: "Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have
sex with her principal for $500,000."

The boy asks his sister: "Would you have sex with your principal for
$500,000?" The sister replies: "Hell yes I would!"

He returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father answers: "Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're
millionaires, but in reality, we're just living with a couple of whores."

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
135 Likes
2 Dislikes
Rating :   12 Votes


Oct
15
2011

First Thing to do after Jail


Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son
were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car.

The only thing he said was, "F.F."

His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F."

Out on the highway, he said, "F.F."

She responded simply, "E.F."

He repeated, "F.F."

She again replied, "E.F."

"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled. "What's going on?"

Bad Bernie answered, "Your mother wants to eat first!"

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
98 Likes
2 Dislikes
Rating :   15 Votes


Jan
9
2012

Math Lesson


A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain
needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you
as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that
by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18
-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that
read as follows:

"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I
will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the
brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that
18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
133 Likes
0 Dislikes
Rating :   20 Votes


Aug
30
2011

Crowded Subway


The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to
stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said,
"Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"

"I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my
pocket."

"Oh really," she spat. "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth
raise you've had in the last half hour!"

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
84 Likes
4 Dislikes
Rating :   6 Votes


Dec
8
2011

Knickerless


Joe is sitting on a train across from a
busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To
his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.

The blonde realises he is staring and
inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll
make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the
pussy winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves
over
and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
97 Likes
5 Dislikes
Rating :   13 Votes


Sep
20
2011

Gold Medalist


Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives.

The first said, "I think my husband's like a championship golfer. He's spent
the last ten years perfecting his stroke."

The second woman said, "My husband's like the winner of the Indy 500. Every
time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps."

The third woman was silent until she was asked, "Tell us about your husband."

She thought for a moment and said, "My husband's like an Olympic gold-medal-
winning quarter-miler."

"How so?"

"He's got his time down to under 40 seconds."

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
99 Likes
3 Dislikes
Rating :   14 Votes


Sep
1
2011

Home from the Air Force


A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to
Shemya, Alaska. The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his wife, "Honey,
I want you to know that I haven't wasted all this time alone. Instead, I've
mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!"


And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his
altogether.


"Now watch," he said. Next he said, "Dick, ten-HUT!"

And with that, his dick sprang to full erection. Then he said, "Dick, at
EASE!"

And his dick deflated again.

"Wow, that was amazing," said his wife. "Do you mind if I bring our next-door
neighbor over to see this? It's really something else!"

The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of what he
had accomplished. So the wife goes next door and comes back with a delicious
looking woman who got this guy's full attention! After a brief pause to take
her in, he said, "Now watch this." Then he said "Dick, ten-HUT!"

And the dick sprang to life. Then it was "Dick, at EASE!"


But nothing happened. So the guy again said, "Dick, at EASE!"

But still nothing happened. So the guy now says,"For the last time, you son-
of-a-bitch, I said AT EASE!!"

Still nothing. Well, the guy was embarassed and ran off to the bathroom. His
wife made excuses for him and then joined her husband in the bathroom, where
she found him masturbating.

"What in the world are you doing?" she asked.

The guy says, "I'm givin' this son-of-a-bitch a dishonorable discharge!"

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
79 Likes
3 Dislikes
Rating :   8 Votes