All Jokes

Displaying 10921-10928 of 10940 results.
Oct
15
2011

First Thing to do after Jail


Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son
were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car.

The only thing he said was, "F.F."

His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F."

Out on the highway, he said, "F.F."

She responded simply, "E.F."

He repeated, "F.F."

She again replied, "E.F."

"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled. "What's going on?"

Bad Bernie answered, "Your mother wants to eat first!"

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
98 Likes
2 Dislikes
Rating :   15 Votes


Jan
9
2012

Math Lesson


A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain
needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you
as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that
by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18
-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that
read as follows:

"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I
will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the
brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that
18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
133 Likes
0 Dislikes
Rating :   20 Votes


Aug
30
2011

Crowded Subway


The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to
stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said,
"Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"

"I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my
pocket."

"Oh really," she spat. "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth
raise you've had in the last half hour!"

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
84 Likes
4 Dislikes
Rating :   6 Votes


Dec
8
2011

Knickerless


Joe is sitting on a train across from a
busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To
his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.

The blonde realises he is staring and
inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll
make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the
pussy winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves
over
and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
97 Likes
5 Dislikes
Rating :   13 Votes


Sep
20
2011

Gold Medalist


Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives.

The first said, "I think my husband's like a championship golfer. He's spent
the last ten years perfecting his stroke."

The second woman said, "My husband's like the winner of the Indy 500. Every
time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps."

The third woman was silent until she was asked, "Tell us about your husband."

She thought for a moment and said, "My husband's like an Olympic gold-medal-
winning quarter-miler."

"How so?"

"He's got his time down to under 40 seconds."

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
99 Likes
3 Dislikes
Rating :   14 Votes


Sep
1
2011

Home from the Air Force


A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to
Shemya, Alaska. The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his wife, "Honey,
I want you to know that I haven't wasted all this time alone. Instead, I've
mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!"


And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his
altogether.


"Now watch," he said. Next he said, "Dick, ten-HUT!"

And with that, his dick sprang to full erection. Then he said, "Dick, at
EASE!"

And his dick deflated again.

"Wow, that was amazing," said his wife. "Do you mind if I bring our next-door
neighbor over to see this? It's really something else!"

The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of what he
had accomplished. So the wife goes next door and comes back with a delicious
looking woman who got this guy's full attention! After a brief pause to take
her in, he said, "Now watch this." Then he said "Dick, ten-HUT!"

And the dick sprang to life. Then it was "Dick, at EASE!"


But nothing happened. So the guy again said, "Dick, at EASE!"

But still nothing happened. So the guy now says,"For the last time, you son-
of-a-bitch, I said AT EASE!!"

Still nothing. Well, the guy was embarassed and ran off to the bathroom. His
wife made excuses for him and then joined her husband in the bathroom, where
she found him masturbating.

"What in the world are you doing?" she asked.

The guy says, "I'm givin' this son-of-a-bitch a dishonorable discharge!"

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
79 Likes
3 Dislikes
Rating :   8 Votes


Aug
18
2011

Loving on the Lawn


A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice
neighbourhood.

Suddenly he realised there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he
noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some
bushes by the house.

He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked. A well dressed woman
answered the door, and the man asked what kind of a place this was.

"This is a brothel", replied the madam.

"Well, what's all this out on the lawn?" queried the man.

"Oh, we're having a yard sale today."

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
58 Likes
7 Dislikes
Rating :   7 Votes


Sep
5
2011

Off to Vegas


A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her
bags packed.

'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.

'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a
night for what I give you for free!

'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come
back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.

The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
84 Likes
4 Dislikes
Rating :   13 Votes