Redneck Jokes

Displaying 9-16 of 50 results.
Jun
16
2014

appna dunia ka sabsa batsurat ugly insan kon ha


appna dunia ka sabsa batsurat (ugly) insan kon ha

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socho buddho
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ans:mirror nahi dekha kiya

Submitted By : nitin
Place : meerut
11 Likes
14 Dislikes
Rating :   3 Votes


Oct
21
2013

Hum Wo nhi jo Dil tod denge


Hum Wo nhi jo Dil tod denge
Tham k haath tanha Chhod denge
Hum Rishte nibhate hai Machhli aur Pani ki tarah
Bichhadne Par Hum Dam tod denge.

Submitted By : anurag
Place : udaipur
88 Likes
27 Dislikes
Rating :   35 Votes


Dec
7
2011

The Toilet Brush


Tom, Dick and Harry were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night,
when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle.

They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity.

The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize.

Tom won the first prize - a whole year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce.

Dick was the winner of the second prize - six month's supply of extra-long
gourmet spaghetti.

And Harry won the sixth prize - a toilet brush.

When they met in the pub a week later, Harry asked the others how they were
enjoying their prizes.

"Great," said Tom. "I love spaghetti."

"So do I," said Dick. "And how's the toilet brush, Harry?"

"Not so good," Harry said, "I reckon I'll go back to paper..."

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
36 Likes
1 Dislikes
Rating :   7 Votes


Oct
1
2011

The Redneck and The Gorilla


A small redneck Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very "in the mood", and
difficult to handle.

Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla
was in heat.

To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part-
time redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages.

Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to
satisfy a female of ANY species.

So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution.

Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the
gorilla for $500?

Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over
carefully.

The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only
under three conditions.

"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her.

Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this."

The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what
was his third condition.

"Well," said Ed, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
34 Likes
0 Dislikes
Rating :   3 Votes


Sep
10
2011

The Elevator 2


A Kentucky family took a vacation to New York City.

One day, the father took his son into a rather large building; they were
amazed by everything they saw --especially the elevator at one end of the
lobby.

The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?" The father responded, "Son I have never
seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old
lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls
closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the
walls light up.

They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The
walls opened again, and a voluptuous 24-year-old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your Maw."

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
24 Likes
1 Dislikes
Rating :   1 Votes


Jan
15
2012

Telling a woman


Once, a redneck asked me :

"what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?"

"what?"
"Nothing - you've already told her TWICE!"

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
67 Likes
33 Dislikes
Rating :   26 Votes


Nov
15
2011

Redneck Driving Applications


Redneck Driver's Application

Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.


Last name: ________________

First name:
[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
[_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician

Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
Lover's Name: __________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle
[_] Mother [_] Son
[_] Father [_] Daughter
[_] Cousin [_] Pet

Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
If you obtained a higher education what was your
major?
[_] 5th grade [_] 6th grade

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Age you started drivin ______ (If over 10 are you
are still slow lerrnin ? [_] Yes [_] No)

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck ____ kitchen
____ bedroom ____ bathroom/outhouse
____ shed ____ pawnshop

Model and year of your pickup: _________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun [_] Bassmasters

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable

How many teeth in YOUR mouth? ___
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black
[_] N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man [_] Skoal

How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don't know

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
301 Likes
134 Dislikes
Rating :   31 Votes


Oct
25
2011

911 Emergency


Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that
she would send someone out right away.

"Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over
to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
17 Likes
0 Dislikes
Rating :   3 Votes