Redneck Jokes

Displaying 1-8 of 50 results.
Oct
8
2011

Redneck Jedi


You know you're a redneck jedi when..

You hear "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."

You ever said the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

Wookiees are offended by your B.O.

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have
to wait for a commercial.

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to
get the barbecue grill to light up.

You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through
the window.

Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a
pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark
side...it'll be a hoot."

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
29 Likes
0 Dislikes
Rating :   1 Votes


Oct
21
2013

Hum Wo nhi jo Dil tod denge


Hum Wo nhi jo Dil tod denge
Tham k haath tanha Chhod denge
Hum Rishte nibhate hai Machhli aur Pani ki tarah
Bichhadne Par Hum Dam tod denge.

Submitted By : anurag
Place : udaipur
88 Likes
27 Dislikes
Rating :   35 Votes


Jan
16
2012

Dat Ain't Bubba


Bubba got drunk and died in a fire in his trailer. He was so badly burned that
the morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they called his two buddies
Jim-Bob and Billy-Joe to I.D. him.

Jim-Bob went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. "Yep, he's got burned
up purdy bad. Roll 'im over," said Jim-Bob. The mortician rolled him over,
Jim-Bob looked at his butt and said, "Nope, dat ain't Bubba."

Not saying anything, but finding it a bit strange, the mortician brought in
Billy-Joe to I.D. the body. "Yep, he's burned up real bad. Roll 'im over,"
said Billy-Joe. The mortician rolled him over, Billy-Joe looked down at his
butt and said, "Dat ain't Bubba."

"How can you tell?" asked the mortician.

"Cause Bubba had two assholes," replied Billy-Joe. "Two assholes? That's
impossible!" said the mortician.

"Yep. Everyone in town knowed Bubba had two assholes, cause every time the
three of us went to town, everyone would yell, 'here comes Bubba with them two
assholes!"

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
127 Likes
24 Dislikes
Rating :   31 Votes


Sep
24
2011

Down South Bumper Stickers


=> The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

=> I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

=> Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

=> I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

=> WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

=> You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

=> BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

=> I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.

=> So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!

=> I'm just driving this way to piss you off.

=> Keep honking, I'm reloading.

=> As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

=> I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

=> Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

=> Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
36 Likes
1 Dislikes
Rating :   5 Votes


Jan
3
2012

cornflakes


Two twins returned home each with a letter from there teachers explaining they
had been using extremely bad language and not to come to school.

The next day when the twins each gave there dad the letter he gave them a
hiding and sent them to bed.

the next morning the twins got up "what do you want for breakfast" asked there
dad to which one of the twins replied "i'll have some of those fucken
cornflakes thanks" his dad immediately gave the twin a hiding and sent him to
bed.

"Now what do you want for breakfast" the dad asked to the other twin.

Well i won't have any of those fucken cornflakes thats for sure" the twin
replied.

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
36 Likes
5 Dislikes
Rating :   8 Votes


Oct
23
2011

Father and Son


One morning a boy got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of chicken
wire.

His father said, 'Son, where are you going?'

The son replied, 'I'm going to catch me some chickens.'

The father said, 'Son, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire.'

But the son insisted that he knew what he was doing.

Later on that day, the son came home with two chickens in his hand. The father
thought, 'I guess he knows what he's doing.'

The next morning, the son got up and was leaving the house with some duck
tape.

The father said, 'Son, where are you going?' The son replied, 'I'm going to
catch some ducks.'

The father yelled, 'You can't catch ducks with duck tape!'

The son insisted that he knew what he was doing. Later on that day the son
came home with two ducks under each arm.

The father thought, 'Shoot, I guess he does know what he's doing!'

The next morning the son got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of
pussywillows. The father said, 'Hold up, son, let me put on my shoes!'

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
73 Likes
3 Dislikes
Rating :   5 Votes


Oct
25
2011

911 Emergency


Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that
she would send someone out right away.

"Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over
to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
17 Likes
0 Dislikes
Rating :   3 Votes


Sep
29
2011

You Must Be A Redneck If


* You recycle your own toilet paper

* Your mom has to shave more times a month than your dad

* You see a bill board that says "Don't do crack" and it reminds you to pull up your pants.

* You stare at a carton of orange juice because it says "concentrate."

* Your bumper sticker reads: "One more Whore and We Get Gore."

* The nativity scene you set up in your yard at Christmas includes two pink flamingos and baby Jesus lying in a painted tire.

* Most of your teeth are on a chain around your neck.

* You hunt from your bedroom window.

* Your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.

* You refrigerate your food stamps.

* You use a 10 penny nail to pick your teeth after a night of road kill.

* You have ever dressed your child as a "Snot-rag" for Halloween.

* Your idea of a loaded dishwasher is getting your wife drunk.

* You and your spouse get divorced and you are still relatives.

* You go to your local ice cream store and order Copenhagen "sprinkles" on your cone.

* You know instinctively that red wine goes with opossum.

* You're always looking to find your Mother-in-Law's picture on the back of a milk carton!

* The officer that just pulled you over asks if "you have any I.D."..and you respond "About whut?"

* You take a beer to a job interview.

* You are caught roll'n your trailer down the street to jump start the heater.

* When you finish eatin' your bologna you use the rind for dental floss.

* You go to Goodwill to meet women.

* You and your friends are putting an engine in a pickup, drinking beer, and the conversation is: Which county jail has the best food!

Submitted By : SmsFunBook Team
41 Likes
2 Dislikes
Rating :   6 Votes